Done Lost My Cool

by Honest Babe on September 2, 2015

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It is the dog days of summer and I’m fresh out of anecdotes. And you know what, I am somehow okay with that. This is to say there is no overheard wit at the end of this exercise, no underlying theme of creative expression, no exhausted sexual overtones nor superficial utterances that may or may not allude to a brilliant mind behind the words. No, here, at this juncture, there is no brain, there is just a sun that won’t set and a man with a genetic predisposition for sweat.

“But, it’s summer.” The girl says to me, emphasizing the word summer like it is that holy thing that makes everything grow green and good in the world. “You’ll be wishing you weren’t so ornery when it’s late February and it won’t stop snowing.”

“Ornery?” I looked at the fictional character and told her, “Please don’t call me names I don’t understand. Insults are one thing, but assumption is quite another. You assume I have book smarts and well, that just makes an ass out of you, not me.”

Ole Mr. Webster’s daughter cranked out something close to a stink eye, “No, it just makes you an idiot.”

“Not now, Lady Logic, it’s too hot.” I fanned myself in such a manner that no breeze was created. The humidity was beyond intense, solid and soupy, it was the morning breath of God.

“Are you always like this?” She asked.

“Like what?”

“Such…a pussy?”

She had a point and so I was forced into that lame corner of conversation when a closed-mouth serves you better than an open one.  The dramatic fanning was turned up a speed.

“And are you always like this?” I finally responded, unoriginality in tow. It was a childish repetition but I didn’t care – it was too hot and haze had now settled in thick between us.

“What?”

“Well I may indeed be a pussy, but that can be confronted, worked on – improved even if I wished it so. But you my dear, are ass ugly and there iddn’t a damned thing you can do about that.”

The stink eye hardened into a death stare. I noticed big blobbing beads of sweat curling around her crinkled brow and soured, drawn up cheeks and I began to question the gal’s mental faculties. The use of ornery was remarkable and of another time no doubt, but could she really be ‘all there,’ as they say, while enjoying a t-shirt that was now completely sticking to her back and feet that have most likely taken to a scent that only a two year old Ugg can reproduce? I had no time to find out for she had turned on her heel and flipped a pony-tail fiercely in the process. I’m glad she was fictional, otherwise she most definitely would’ve slapped me in the face. And rightfully so, I lost my cool.

“Summer should die a sweet death! It is an aberration!” I yelled. It was a yell that held within it the anguish of an entire season’s discontent, but it was too late. She had already rounded the corner and was off to some EDM pool party, I know it. ‘Her loss,’ I thought. ‘She would’ve gotten half-wet over an antique like aberration.’

dOwOtzD

The sun came back into the foreground and I was forced to squint. Actually, the thing had never left. Which was the whole point behind this entry in the first place. And yeah, I know – I lied. I promised you nothing and gave you something – arguably better than nothing. And so what, I’m sweating and pissed off and you should be too, goddammit. So as to not leave you too jaded nor unwilling to return, I give you all an essential gift of the times in Donnie Trumpet & the Social Experiment’s Surf. It is one of my favorite mixtapes of the summer and whether it is the talents behind the bohemian brass and chill arrangements of Nico Segal or the ever-heady and undeniably modern smarts of Chance the Rapper – it comes fortified with all the joys of summer and none of its pains. Believe me, if I can tell you that while wiping away what was surely the third gatorade of the day, on this my most dogged of days, you know it’s got to be true:

Donnie Trumpet & the Social Experiment – Wanna Be Cool
Donnie Trumpet & the Social Experiment – Familiar
Donnie Trumpet & the Social Experiment – Slip Slide
Donnie Trumpet & the Social Experiment – Sunday Candy
Donnie Trumpet & the Social Experiment – Miracle
Donnie Trumpet & the Social Experiment – Windows
Donnie Trumpet & the Social Experiment – Caretaker
Donnie Trumpet & the Social Experiment – Questions
Donnie Trumpet & the Social Experiment – Pass the Vibes
Donnie Trumpet & the Social Experiment – Something Came To Me
Donnie Trumpet & the Social Experiment – Go

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